


To Have Him Back

by Yvi



Category: Love Actually (2003)
Genre: F/M, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:37:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvi/pseuds/Yvi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just being in love is never enough. But without that, there would be no sense in trying, would there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have Him Back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amatara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amatara/gifts).



> This is a Yuletide 2009 treat :) Thanks to Elanya for beta-reading.

There are no appropiate words for this situation. Well, maybe there are, but Karen is certainly not aware of them. So many years, so many happy memories, all of them seeming destroyed and... tainted now. How do you convey this in words? How do you talk about this? How do you solve this?

Maybe screams are more appropiate. That's what all those self-help books say, right? Just scream out loud, lay all your emotions into it, and the anger will subside.

She tries it once, alone in the car on the next day. She feels stupid afterwards, not liberated. Certainly not any better.

* * *

He tries to sit her down to talk about it, the day after the last Christmas celebration, when they come home from visiting her parents. She just shakes her head. It's too soon, and the kids are at home, in their rooms and still awake. They shouldn't notice. She'll protect them from this mess.

"For what's it worth, I am sorry," he says.

* * *

"I have not been seeing her again," he says. "She is resigning."

It's past New Years' Eve by now, and Karen drops the knife she is holding. The kids are out, visiting their friends, but she didn't even notice him coming in. She turns to face him, his expression is solemn, but with a hint of hope. But this is not going to be over this easy. This is not going to be solved in one day, in one conversation.

"What am I supposed to do now, Harry?" she asks, restraining her voice. She doesn't want to sound angry. "Just say yes, and this is over?"

He lowers his eyes, maybe in shame. "I don't know."

Karen sighs. "Do you even still want this?" Her arm emcompass the kitchen, meaning so much more than that - the wife with the wrinkles, the two stressful children, the house with the mortgage.

His eyes still don't meet hers, but he nods. "Yes, I still want this."

She looks at him for almost a minute, then nods. "Okay. Earn it." She even manages half a smile.

* * *

"I'll have him murdered."

"You will do no such thing." Karen is sitting in her brother's office, having never imagined before telling him such a personal thing. But he invited her over for 'an intimate tour of the Prime Minister's darkest secrets', and how could she resist that? And then there were buscuits and tea, and it just came rushing out. The whole sordid story, as much as she even knows. She never asked for details. Maybe that was stupid, but she wants it that way.

"What good is being the Prime Minister if you can't have your brother-in-law murdered?"

She has to laugh despite herself. "Don't all of your secret organizations have something better to do?"

David looks at the calendar at his desk. "I think we have a spot open next Tuesday," he says.

Karen just shakes her head, still laughing a bit. David has always been able to make her laugh, as kids and later, when their lives diverged so much.

"No, really, how are you doing?" he asks.

Karen sighs and shrugs. "I don't know. I'm holding up. It's complicated, with the children and the house..."

"You are going to work this out?" It's more a question than a statement.

"We will try. You know me, I'm stubborn," Karen responds.

There is a moment of silence. "You know my number if you change your mind about the murdering thing."

"I'll make sure to remember the offer." She already feels better.

* * *

It's dark in the bedroom, and late. He crawls under the covers beside her and she thinks that like alwas he will turn around and go to sleep in less than five minutes. It's how it's been for some time now.

But this time, he takes her into his arms and whispers into her ears. "I do want you, you know?" He kisses her neck.

They sleep snuggled up against each other that night. And the next night, she kisses him and they make love, the way they used to. It isn't the best experience ever, there are no fireworks, but it's nice and sweet and special. It's starting to heal.

They don't do it again afterwards, but it's a new memory, a new and **good** memory. They need those now.

* * *

She talks to Daniel a lot these days, but she's trying to focus on him and Carol instead of her own problems. But Daniel, being Daniel, picks up on her feelings. She doesn't even need to say much, he just gets it.

They are standing in his kitchen, drinking a of cup of tea. Carol was there when she came over, but she's gone to drop off Sam and her son at some school function for a while.

"Am I doing the right thing?" she asks into the silence.

He pauses for a moment, taking another sip. "Is there a right thing?"

Karen puts down her mug, the red one she almost always uses when she's here, and looks at it like she is searching for the answer in it. "It's right for the kids," she says. She is sure they have picked up on the tension, but other than that, they seem perfectly normal. They aren't behaving any differently towards her or Harry.

"But is it right for you?"

_That's the heart of the issue, isn't it?_ she thinks. Yes, the children are important, but if she isn't content then they are going to notice and suffer. She has heard of too many children suffering because of their parents' failing marriages.

But she has already decided this for herself, hasn't she? "I love him, Daniel. I still do."

He nods. "Is that enough?" he asks.

"No, it's not. But we are going to make this work." Just being in love is never enough. But without that, there would be no sense in trying, would there?

* * *

He has been gone for a week; some business in the States. The trust between them is still a bit shaky, but it's there and she knows nothing happened while he was away. He's stupid, but not that stupid and he has been sincere the past few weeks.

The kids are happy to see him again. And, Karen has to admit, she likes having him back, too.


End file.
